As I stared at him, he winked at me, and said, "Thanks, lady," with a strong Australian accent.

I pinched myself hard, figuring I was either dreaming or had hit my head when I fell. That's it, I'm hallucinating, I thought. The pinch accomplished nothing but to give me the beginnings of a bruise. I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again. The stranger was still standing in my living room grinning at me.

As fear cascaded over me like a cold bucket of water, I looked around the room for something to use as a weapon. All I could spot was the TV remote so I snatched it up and held it out in front of me. "Don't you dare come a step closer or I'll let you have it!" I yelled.

The guy just raised one eyebrow at me and didn't move.

"Who the hell are you?" I yelled, "And what are you doing in my living room?"

"Well, now, lady (it sounded like li-dee when he pronounced it), I'm Gene. At your service," he said with exaggerated formality. With that he pushed off the wall to stand up straight, and I noticed he had to be six feet two or better. He swept his hat off with a flourish and bowed, although he didn' t act in the least bit servile. He seemed to be enjoying himself. He slapped the hat back onto his head and said, "As to 'who the hell I am.' I'm a genie, of course. I've been trapped in that there bottle, and because you popped my cork, so to speak," he winked at me again, " I now must grant you three wishes before I'm free. That's the tradition, y'know."

"You have got to be kidding! Do you really expect to buy that?" I screamed at him. "What are you some kind of pervert? How did you get in the Diaper Genie? How did you get in my house?"

"Hey, lady, let's set the record straight," he said matter-of-factly. "I didn't get here under my own steam. Somebody brought my bottle here, and you let me out. Until you make three wishes, I can't leave. I have to serve you. Believe me, after sixty years in a bottle, I have other things I'd rather be doing. So why don't you cool off, Master," he said in a mocking tone. "Or should I call you Mistress?" he added irreverently.

"Don't call me anything!" Oh hell, I thought, I have to be dreaming. I fainted or something. I must have hit my head. This can't be real although I never had a dream this vivid before. "What do you want? What are you doing here?"

Gene rolled his eyes at me and said sotto voce, "Me, I had to get a hysterical one." He took a deep breath. He stood tall. He seemed to take over the room. He was just so, so male. I could even smell him: he had a sort of salty, sweaty odor that reminded me of being at the beach on a hot day. He caught me staring at him. He stared back. "Look, lady. Why don't you sit down. I'll explain, but from what I've seen of you so far, you aren 't going to believe me." I swear he was trying not to smile.

Pennsylvania

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